Chatper 4-Dawn

An hour was left for the flight to land; about half an hour left; fifteen minutes for the flight to touch ground. Alaina had been counting the clock ever since Agron had seen her off at the airport. Alaina had never dreamt even in her wildest dreams that the grouchy anarchist would actually evacuate his office for some reason other than pure academia. Now this brought a smile to the paled face; Alaina did love observing Agron; after all what was a better way to study humanity than studying humans and what rarer illustration than the dear man! Ah, she had missed the last few minutes of the flight, the announcement for the landing was already being made; well it was not like she regretted it. As soon as Alaina set the first foot on the ground of her hometown, the darkness seemed to swarm round her; “Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now, I was lost and you've rescued me somehow-“ Agron’s songs buzzed in her ear as the grip round the petite locket tightened. He was there, he would be there; she had to succeed so he could taste success; she could not give up, could not lose this battle. Resolve doubled, the brunette walked steadily towards the outlet.

What! It could not be! It absolutely could not be her father standing there at the reception, why she had not even informed him until a few hours before boarding! The ever steady hands suddenly were wet from sweat even in the air-conditioned span. Slowly, Alaina made her way over to the man who had been the building blocks for every character she had inbuilt into her system. “Dad, I-“”Hush child, come home darling, come home love!” Three whole years later, the flood gates completely broke down. Disregarding all the watchful eyes, all the silent vigilantes the proud eyes broke down completely as the magnificent lady snuggled into the arms of her father like a three year old babe. The illustrious gentleman in his turn shamelessly collected his young ward into his arms, coddling the child that still lived in the twenty year old. “Mom-“The sniffled speech was shushed again as the unuttered question got instantly answered, “Your mom is awaiting her daughter with glee my darling, forget the past; let it be; it is after all, past. Come home babe. And by the way, your mother still excels in tears; I hope you don’t intend to cause a natural disaster just this moment?””Dad!” Little fists pounded the broad chest lovingly, “Of course I will not cry! I am not a cry baby, I am twenty two plus now, I am an adult!” “Yes I can definitely see that!” The father daughter pair laughed heartily at their own joke. It really felt wonderful to leave all mind games aside and talk like a three year old, jump like a bimbo or make faces for no reason.

Alaina realized, for the nth time, how important family was. The vibrant smile dimmed for a moment as the face of a certain lonely stranger jumped to the epicenter of her vision; shaking her head to get rid of the depressing thoughts, the usually restrained teen grabbed her wardens hand round the elbow and let the happiness wash over herself for once without criticism. The welcome into the house, no home, this was really home; the welcome there was as sentimental as the embrace of the father-daughter if not more and despite all her claims, Alaina did manage to shed a few tears herself. Alaina had nearly forgotten the heavenly taste of her mothers cooking. The poor girl had managed to stuff double the usual amount of food into her system and at that moment sat squashed between her mother and father holding her poor belly which was almost crying in protest.

An insistent buzzing made the comfortably snuggled head to peak from under the covers. A demure hand raced out instantaneously; Agron was calling this late? They had already conversed for quite some time before retiring for the night, the call in the heart of the night was baffling. “Hello?””Hey, I am really sorry for calling this late-“”Agron, cease this apology at once. You know very well, I love talking to you. What happened? What made you call this late? I thought you were sleeping!””Actually I was sleeping, and then I had some thoughts. Then I started to think…and the thoughts vanished. I woke up and something told me that I should speak to you; now I don’t even know what I intend to speak about.” Pulling the covers tightly round herself, the little angel sat up. since knowing this man, this was the conversation which had touched her the most. The raw vulnerability in the voice, the utter seclusion endeared him even more. “You know I never knew my father. My living relatives wouldn’t tell me his name. Mother had been a permanent resident with the Golden Garden asylum for years more than I care to remember. I sometimes wonder if I am a bastard child-“the deep voice spoke in a continuous monologue. Instinctively, Alaina knew she was being invited into territory never trodden. Even breathing became a challenge to the enraptured girl, as though it would break the strange trance they had been pulled into. Stories after stories started to flow, emotions blocked, locked away for decades, resurfaced and threatened to drown the individuals on the surface.

Wave After Wave

Wave after wave come and strike the rock,

The cliff wavers, chunks of rock being broken,

Broken away with every new attack every new wave…

Withering, growing smaller and smaller and smaller,

Smaller with every chunk that is conked out,

Conked out as every wave strikes every time…..

Life is quite the same, waves come here too,

But not as the cold water, but like the burning smoldering,

Smoldering lava…in the form of the sorrows…

Every new attack, every new sorrow breaks our heart,

Breaks it as the water breaks the cliffs, reckless, unconcerned,

Unconcerned of the damage it makes of the pain it gives…..

The most amusing part is, in case of the cliff it withers,

Breaks, gets smaller and in the end there is nothing left,

In place of the cliff then there is a void a calm void,

A plain where how ever hard the water may fall, it can’t,

Can’t break it any more…it remains the solid it is, because,

Because by then it is under the water itself; under its protection….

Life does not give us that wonderful chance though,

Wave after wave comes, chunks break off too, but the size?

It remains the same, same unaltered, ready for another attack,

Ready for fresh new waves, the urge to live hardly dies,

Every new wound, every new pain leaves their scar,

Leaves a deadly mark for ever, but the love keeps increasing…..

As though in defiance to the pains life offers, it screams,

Screams out loud, never letting go, never wavering,

Every new crack, every new scar, every new gash, is another,

Another path the love finds to seep out, out of its cage,

Out of the imprisoned heart…like a fountain, like a newly released bird,

It soars and flies, to fall again, again and yet again…waiting for its turn at soaring…..

Agron had stopped speaking. A minute, five minutes, fifteen minutes passed. It seemed as though the sound itself had been sucked away. Agron, contemplating his past; Alaina, thinking over all that had just traversed, seemed to have lost all ability of speech. “Forget the apprenticeship, forget the help you promised me to get myself established; forget whatever commitments you had made to drive me through, be my friend…please?” The heartfelt words, though whispered, fell like knives on raw skin to the vacuous ears of Agron. Echoes seemed to be built of the ripples created, carrying them forth; the die had been cast. “It…won’t bother you? A thirty seven year old man…broken, sorry, that should be grounded, in the literary sense of course.” “Please Agron! Age is but a number and trust me I knew your age before I asked you to be my friend; I never say anything I don’t mean.” “I know you mean whatever you said; I have looked into your eyes, there is naked honesty there, I don’t know the reason but I have seen an aversion to lies rarely seen. I…would be honored to be your friend.”

“The Shadow

I have left the shore…wondered into the deep,

Deep chasms of the ocean…

The previous shore, the previous life is like a dream now,

A void, hazy with fading memory, with every passing moment…

But the shadow is something that is following me,

The deep dark shadows of the past that never leave…..

The new shore that I see, seems so inviting, beautiful,

But whenever I go near, whenever I try to reach out,

The shadows swarm up like waves crashing on a shore,

Like a storm raging…reminding me, reminding me every time,

Of the deep dark past, of how that was luring too,

How the past too was waiting for my return, how it was not past yet…..

I try to ignore and go on in my own way on my own,

Alone, away from all who can give me company,

Company and comfort, for it is not what I seek,

It’s what I am running from,

I want to be lonely, alone…

Alone in this huge world full of strangers,

However strong, however luring is the call,

I will resist it, resist it forever…..

It is hard, hard to form a new identity, a new me,

But I have to do it, live life again starting from zero,

Starting from the beginning, the very first, for all,

For my family, for my friends, for all who care for me,

I have to live…but this life, this new life is no longer mine,

No longer a part of me, it’s a protocol, a shadow of the past…..

I have stopped living…stopped being me…stopped it all,

The self in me is dead; the shadow of the past is all,

All that is alive, all that is living, is for others, for their comfort,

The trusting, smiling, joking human is dead, never to return;

The world with its masks has suffocated it to death….

So that never ever again will he dare to smile genuinely, laugh heartily…..

Now I have nothing, nothing to fear, why should I?

I am already dead, and as for the shadow, who can hurt it?

It has built itself on ruins, so it is immune, not a fragile human,

A fragile human like me…

I have reached the other shore, it no longer hurts now; it no longer feels luring…

For the moment I reached, all feelings, all life oozed out,

Left for good forever; now all that remains is,

The shadow, the deep dark shadow of the past…..”

“Elaina, stop, please stop dearest” The pleading from the oh so loved voice, the shivers in its tone, the misplaced vibrato, made the skin of the young girl crawl. This voice was meant to be confident, this voice was meant to be commanding, dictating, scathing; how could it waver? How could the tsunamis wreck the titan? Not unlike stated in Agron’s own words, the silence became silent. A deep rugged breath later, the sonorous baritone picked up its rhythm, dropped its veil and out sprang the searing phoenix,

“The Spirit has Returned Again

You come, you stay by its side…guide it, guard it and leave it….again…

A spirit, free yet bound tightly to you,

This life, that life, this body or another makes little or no difference to it

That one spirit, always yours-awaits your arrival in every birth,

Every time the sun rises, it prays for your happiness…

Each time the moon disappears, it searches for you in vain….

Your call has bound it to this mortal world, returning after regular intervals

Your companionship its only desire, your love its strongest constraint

Chained to the mortal nature of every birth, chained to the laws of nature,

It breaks every rule, forgoes all boundaries, gives up all expectation of liberation….

Just one thing it is unable to give up, your love, your amity….

You come and go free to your will, sometimes with it, sometimes without

But the spirit bound to you follows on, with its truthful worship for you, forever….

A smile from you a simple touch might bring a flood of tears, you might ask why

Moments have passed, years have passed, decades have passed even lives

The spirit has haunted itself for that long….screaming….silently

Your little smile speaks of your abound love of its profuse wait, of your approval of its grace

The spirit has returned the spirit will return again

You come, you stay by its side…guide it, guard it and leave it….again”

Tears unshed for time unknown made their way down twain countenance. The night turned dark, another shade dark, another shade darker…and then, the first rays kissed the pristine duplet. The night had been broken, the darkness challenged; dawn had finally vanquished the murk. Life had finally found its definition. Gasping at the newfound illumination, soft sweetness decreed the ever sought answer,

“Life is high, life is low, it’s just a game, let it flow…

The yearning for death is day and night and has been there for years now,

After all, it is the ultimate destination of life right? The ultimate close?

Strange the way life buds, a single cell to multiple ones, then a complete being,

And suddenly at some unknown, unseen click, just like that the heart starts beating;

Lub dub, lub dub, it goes from that moment inside our dearest mothers womb,

Till life finally decides to bid us adieu;

Death is actually there all round us, just open your eyes and look round yourselves,

There, your neighbor dies a while back didn’t he? Or did you forget you beloved pet?

Then there was that poor young man you saw lose his life to that pathetic accident;

Yeah right, so you get the trend, death does come, and in variety of shapes;

But its one illusive lover, if we could call it so, after all it accompanies us throughout life

But that’s the word, illusive, it comes shows its face but is always quick to pick the next person

Always ready to keep you yearning, craving, staring for more;

Starving for the peaceful, calm, cool, satisfying, completing, chilling embrace…

It has become like a sweet, loving game after all this time now,

A game of hide and seek, a game of superiority, a game of destiny…

Run after death more, it alludes more, call it and it always picks the other person

So, I decided to learn this game of love, this game of hate, this game of life this game of chess

My dearest sadistic lover was after all bound to come right? I was his destiny too

Then why pine for him all the time? Why call him? Why give him the satisfaction?

That is when I decided to take up this hobby, why not let other people know too?

Why not help other people too figure out the little catch in this big board of chess?

After all, two can play at a game right…?

So, I decided to write, decided to paint the picture, decided to sing;

Decided to spread the word, spread the knowledge only life could bring

That,

Life is high, life is low, it’s just a game, let it flow…”

Life is high, life is low, it’s just a game…let it flow…..